drinking vodka 7’s
while listening to Chopin
in a musty room
alone

seems like i have refreshed my gmail inbox
within the past 2 hours,
more times than i have kissed anyone
‘in my entire life’

i am having an existential crisis

i am afraid of dying alone, but am unsure
if this is a legitimate fear

‘alone’ seems like bigfoot or something

like there is no ‘alone’, there is only loneliness

i feel like poison ivy

i have scrolled through all of the contacts in my phone
and i don’t feel like i have anyone to call

the whole world is filled with assholes or people who aren’t
lucky enough to be assholes

the whole world is filled with narcissistic melodrama

i am pouring vodka into a shot glass

i am going to swallow the vodka extremely quickly

i will immediately feel a warm burning sensation in my chest

this will register as a desirable sensation in my brain and in my body

i will not feel the full effect of swallowing the vodka until about
7 minutes after the time when i swallowed it
or something

i just thought ‘bombs away’ in a serious tone of voice

it is raining very hard

i am afraid of going to sleep because i do not know
what i am affecting while i am sleeping
(or even while i am ‘awake’ ‘for that matter’)

please don’t judge me or blame me

i haven’t done anything you wouldn’t have done

it is not my fault

it is not my fault

it is not my fault.
_
Jordan Castro
http://www.madswirl.com/content/poetry/Jordan_Castro.html

• small american town: geographically unimportant except that it can’t be on the coast. the small towns on the american west and east coasts have their own feelings to them separate from the ambiguous landlocked ‘might as well be anywhere’ towns. good settings for stories involving children, especially in relation to ‘weird’/’creepy’ adults. has a degrading effect on every sexual act referred to in the story.

• hospital: eventually the narrator or the protagonist or someone will mention the hospital’s futile goal to stave off death for as long as possible though its onset in the patient is inevitable. the protagonist is likely not the patient, but the patient’s lover or family member or maybe a more interesting relation, like the two were detached emotionally but were involved in drug trafficking together.

• nature: here we are given the opportunity to experiment with ‘society’ or something because we can extract as many characters as we want from clusters of society (cities, the internet, etc). also provides, probably inevitably, for insights on what nature means (something we probably have no interest in answering because it’s a false question to ask). also good for adventure stories if you want.

• boat in the middle of the ocean: another way to extract society, but not on individual levels, rather through stratified groups. the common story of class, gender and power arises when the rich cruise goer falls in love with the poor deckhand (or stow away). this has happened in more than ‘titanic’ but i can’t remember the name of the other story/movie/something. this one could be realized more; for example, themed cruises, gay cruises, children’s (disney) cruises, etc and isn’t necessarily destined for a class analysis. for example, a man finds himself on a gay cruise off the coast of florida only to realize that all the other passengers are made of cardboard, or on the third day of a hectic-as-per-usual children’s themed cruise a drowning man is saved and brought aboard only to bring some occult misfortune with him.

• the city at night: this can be any large city in north america regardless of geography. unlike small towns, proximity to the ocean doesn’t matter. the night is perverse and murky. drugs are done at night, as well as dancing and sex, as well as murder, as well as bad decisions. a person at night could stand still and be halted by a phone call or something glimmering under a street lamp or seeing a person they used to know for a ghostly moment before a shadow moves or something.
  _
  Codi Suzanne Oliver
  http://www.mammalhabitat.com/2013/05/sat-5-18-codi.html

I was snowed in at my mom and dad’s house for three days. I spent a lot of time watching my 8-month-old niece crawl around the living room floor. People don’t even need to watch television anymore. There are literally babies everywhere.

And then I watched her nap. She was so still. I kept thinking she had died. I had to touch her back to feel it sink and rise, to make sure she was still breathing. I did this many times.

In total, she died and returned to life 8 times while I watched.

Children are too vulnerable. Keep them away from me. I don’t trust anything that I could kill with a high-five to the face. I don’t want to be responsible for the feelings I should have if one of them dies.

I don’t want to be the owner of a beautiful dead thing.

Rain washed away the snow and I drove home.

My cat stretched as I walked into my bedroom and when I laid on my mattress she put her front paws on her face and fell asleep that way. I thought, “You’re right. I know,” and then sat up and googled my ex-boyfriend’s name. There weren’t any new updates on his blog and I decided that’s a good thing. If he died, would anyone tell me? How long would it take. I would be the former significant other of a beautiful dead thing.

I ordered two lunch specials online from a Chinese delivery place because the minimum for a delivery order was $10 and each lunch special cost $6. When the driver dropped off the heavy bag of food I said, “Thanks, we’re all starving!” and ran back up the stoop.

In actuality, I had eaten breakfast an hour ago and there was no one else home. I ate both lunch specials while hiding under my covers. I started to feel really defeated. And obese. I watched three episodes of ‘Home Movies’ and started to feel better.

I now weigh 8 more pounds than I did this morning. Ha ha ha ha ha.

My bed smells like sesame oil and fish sauce. I place the trash from the Chinese delivery on the pillow next to me and create a cenotaph for the ‘lo mein that once was.’ I lie down, tuck my hands under my cheek and stare at the newest beautiful dead thing I’ve created. We close our eyes together.

I still pray before I fall sleep at night. Ha ha ha ha ha.

I hope Jesus doesn’t read my blog. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Are you laughing? Are you laughing.

God, I can hear you!

I can hear you!

God! 
_
Sarah Jean Alexander
http://banangostreet.com/issue4/sarah-jean-alexander/

we’re here
i’m alone with you in capital letters

through the window a tall crane builds new things in the distance

we’re here
realise that it’s perfect to be allowed to like things together

i hit the lampshade with a towel
dust and dead mosquitos fall
and us here in all of it
in london
quiet dancing

realise that part of me
is already haunting every mcdonalds i’ve ever been in
and part of you
is already haunting every place you’ve ever kissed me
so yes you are haunting my collarbone

we’re here
quiet dancing in london still
you are like a tulip when there are tulips behind you and i can’t decide what you’re like

realise that i would like to fuck a mountain of you
yes you are haunting my kneebacks
yes you are haunting my chest through my tshirt at night
yes you are haunting all 360° of some shitty ferris wheel

we’re here
realise that at every moment you’re the only visible part of an almost infinite conga line
ok now imagine crying while wearing shorts it’s hard to do

tonight we share a moon
toothpaste
this blue-orange night sky

we’ve stopped quiet dancing in london now
i’m alone with you with a crane in the distance
congratulations
tonight our lives will change 0% in every direction

so let’s move to the country
you can grow back your eyebrows
and i can wear a vest for the first time
and you can point at a chicken and laugh
and i can punch a flower and it is ok
and you can say the most interesting thing about me is that i like you so much
and i can put my body high up in a tree and wait
and you can thank me for all the butterflies we saw today
and i can say ‘you are all of the butterflies’ as you try to count
and you can cry dreaming that we had a baby and i made you dress her in one ugg and one croc
and i can look at you pointing at a chicken and laughing and point at a chicken and laugh with you
and you can cry missing distant fireworks
and i can be a tourist in so much of you
and you can hold a tiny leaf and say “leaflet”
and i can listen to a crow talk and it is beautiful music
and you can fall in love with quiet forest water noises in this forest
and i can like animals and you are one
and you can cry missing your exboyfriend everytime you poop out an undigested sweetcorn kernel
and i can almost lodge an axe in my shin trying to chop wood
and you can look at our knees and feet all in the grass while i sleep
and i can touch a mushroom and imagine being a mushroom
and you can put your face close to moss and breathe
and i can say “this is my only life these are my only teeth”
and you can say “this is your only knee” and kick me in the knee
and i can push hard on the west side of a tree and you’re welcome i’m turning planet earth right now
and you can see a quiet frog looking up at a nebula and it is an excellent beast
and i can wear the fuck out of some scarves with you
and you can wear the fuck out of some scarves with me
and i can smile watching mist being mist
and you can put dark berries near your lips and then on the ground instead
and i can lodge an axe in my shin trying to chop wood
and you can look at a sad-seeming badger and say “wow that is the world’s horniest badger”
and i can blink watching lightning connect a sycamore to a sky
and you can stab a bonfire with a branch and think “yes sir i am hurting this fucking fire”
and i can put my body high up in a tree and wait
and you can tell me “don’t worry your sadness isn’t going anywhere you can come back to it later let’s just be alright together awhile”
and i can get drunk and touch your ribs a lot while you are trying to sleep
and you can brush my teeth for me
and i can smile as my gums are bleeding in our two man tent
and you can put your hand around my bare wrist and say “wow i hate your bracelet”
and i can smell like fuck up moths
and you can touch my hairs when i’m sad and say “always remember sombre is only two letters away from sombrero”
and i can look at geese and wow they are so very geese in the rain
and you can cry missing fresh donuts
and bugs will find us again and again
we will wear bugs at night
and bugs will wear us too

woods
look at us
woods we are in you now

these stinging nettles are beautiful and how we are lying in them too

i am alone with you in capital letters
kiss my legs in an orchard
i will kiss yours
too
_
Crispin Best

http://issue4.popserial.net/best/

There is currently not enough crime in the world. The world needs more crime. Crime will improve the world, or maybe it won’t. Mass amounts of crime can change society. With enough crime being committed, the world will change (but maybe not). Crime doesn’t actually exist. It is up to you whether you commit crimes or not. There is no downside to committing crime. If you are caught committing crime, the government will supply you with a place to sleep, food to eat, and an environment in which you can learn to improve your crime-committing skills for when you are released to go commit more crimes. If you want to commit a crime, here are some crimes to commit:

Crime #1- Stealing

Stealing isn’t real because no one owns anything. The only thing that constitutes ‘stealing’ is if the other person get’s mad at you for taking something that they ‘own’. Stealing will get you things that you need/want for free. You can take anything. If you want food you can take it from a grocery store. Grocery stores throw away excessive amounts of food for ‘cosmetic reasons’ such as a rip or dent in the packaging. Stores do not suffer financially from people stealing their food. Put food in your pockets, eat things in the store, walk out with a cart of food. Most clothing stores charge much more than they need to for clothes. Nobody needs to pay $27 for a tie-dye shirt they can make for $2, so take it. Store workers don’t need their store’s clothing, they are already wearing clothes. Break the sensors off of things. Put things on under your clothes in the dressing room. There is nothing that you can’t steal, and whatever you want to steal is up to you. Places are not people. Places don’t need things.

Crime #2- Vandalism

Vandalism is the act of making property look a different way than whoever owns the property wants it to look. Vandalism does not exist because ownership does not exist. If you see a sign that says ‘No Loitering’, nothing bad will happen if you draw something on it. Theoretically, more people will enjoy the sign because it is now different from all other ‘No Loitering’ signs. If you break a window of a store, more air will come in and the store will feel more ‘fresh’. Graffiti creates much more enjoyable art out of something that was less enjoyable. Vandalism makes people happier.

Crime #3- Killing

Killing is not a recommended crime, but it is important to differentiate between the two types of physical killing: murder and assassination. Individuals with less societal importance are murdered. Individuals with more societal importance are assassinated. Murder is done out of desire. Assassination requires an exchange of money. Murder is a hobby while Assassination is a job. This difference is often forgotten and the most accepted definition revolves solely around ‘societal importance’ of the person being killed. A homeless person cannot be assassinated. A congressperson cannot be murdered. If someone was paid to kill the homeless person, the media would still classify it as Murder while technically it was an Assassination. A congressperson could be killed by someone out of an act of rage or passion, but the media would classify this as an assassination due to the congressperson’s profession in government.

Committing crimes is necessarily bad. Committing crimes is not necessarily good. Crime can change the world or it can not. If you need or want anything at all, crime can provide you with what you are looking for. If you are caught committing crimes, the government will take care of you and you will get better at committing crimes.

Commit crime. Or don’t.

Who cares
_
Keegan Crawford
http://frxtl.com/type/aside/

april 1 2013

the eruditism of early april is appallingly obvious

this 12 hour livestream of 2 individuals reading the descriptions of randomly selected youtube videos

is a welcome reminder that absurdity can be entertaining/humorous

give me one second to finish setting up my laptop speakers in my windows

i am going to shout these poems at passers-by at the fullest human volume

****

april 10 2013

i imagine myself upside down in the reflection off a wet camera lens

distorted, i am photographed like the leaf stuck to the bottom of my running shoes

develop me with the toxic chemicals on sidewalks the morning of july 5th

like the bottle rocket burns on my wrists i turn out smooth and faded

****

april 17 2013

thank god i am not the ugliest person on omegle tonight

my largest claim to fame is a five second conversation with soulja boy on chatroulette

what does it say about our unconscious cultural mindset

when i am sad that 70% of my conversational partners click past me even faster than soulja boy did

thank god for the occasional 30% who validate my online existence during these weeks of insomnia

****

april 23 2013

there must be some hidden message in the sped up morse code of the unexplained tapping on my ceiling every night

something must account for my apparent skill to be friends with the kind of people who write “hail satan” with sharpie on the tags in their backpacks

what is the odd look hiding in the corners of your mouth in that instant at the end of a deep exhale?

it is only after finding the explanation for these questions that i can begin to accept the enigmatic words hiding just under the skin on the back of my neck

_

Jakob Maier
http://www.scribd.com/doc/142001855/april-2013

Behind closed eyes, Marie dreamed of miles of flat white rock, cold and airless, and a sky full of stars.  “Oh, wow…”  She laid down on the cold rock and stared up at them.  “I’m on the moon,” she thought.  “This is sweet.”  The idea of being so far away from everything was exciting, stranded beyond all hope of rescue.  Floating through space.  She looked out at the immeasurable distance of the universe, through a sky with no atmosphere, a sky much clearer than sky on earth, reminding herself that each star represents a sun, and that galaxies contain hundreds of billions of them, and that the universe contains hundreds of billions of galaxies.  It made her dizzy, thinking about it.

Just then Hakeem Olajuwon and Yao Ming showed up in their Rockets uniforms, laughing and dribbling basketballs with both their hands.  “Oh wow,” said Marie, “it’s 1994 MPV winner Hakeem ‘the dream’ Olajuwon!  And eight time NBA all star game player Yao Ming!  What are you guys up to?”  The moon’s surface was so hard that the basketballs didn’t even make a sound when they hit the ground.  Hakeem and Yao threw the basketballs high into the air and high fived each other.  Marie wonder how high that high five was.  Being a Houstonian, she knew without having to remember that Hakeem Olajuwon was seven feet tall and Yao Ming was seven foot six, but she didn’t know how long their arms were.  Seven foot six, plus…three feet?   She tried but she couldn’t do the math. 

She waved at them and they waved back, running towards her.  “You guys are great,” she said.  “Yao Ming, me and my parents eat at your chinese restaurant all the time, it’s really good.”  Yao Ming gave her a thumbs up and everybody started laughng. 

“Marie,” said Hakeem Olajuwon, “do you want to play some basketball with us?  There’s a court right over there.”  He pointed and sure enough, there was a basketball court on the moon.  Thousands of people were cheering in the stands, and a group of pretty girls in shorts shorts were breakdancing in the center of it.  Marie was ecstastic.  “Do I want to play basketball with two of the greatest NBA centers in recent history?  Fuck yeah I do!”

Suddenly she was dribbling a basketball in furious hummingbird circles between Yao Ming’s legs.  He couldn’t defend against her.  She leaped into the air and slam dunked the ball, hanging onto the rim for a good twenty seconds, screaming.   She stole the ball from Hakeem Olajuwon and then she did it again, a brutal Tomahawk slam.  The crowd went bananas.  Hakeem Olajuwon couldn’t believe it.

“Wow you’re so good at basketball, Marie!” said Yao Ming.

Marie shook her fists at the crowd, drinking in the applause.  “I’m better than I thought, I’m AMAZING at basketball,” she thought to herself.  She got the ball and did another slam dunk, 360 with a Double Pump.  She was doing things that no one had ever done in the history of sport.  Phenomenal off the glass, through the legs, rock-a-bye-baby please say the baby, reverse twist and then…boom-sha-ka-la-ka!  The crowd waved balloons in the air, jumping up and down because they were so excited.

A man in a tuxedo walked onto the court with a gold microphone in his hand.  “Give it up for Marie, ya’ll!”  Some of the fans in the crowd were even crying, they were so happy. 

“But I thought I was horrible at basketball,” Marie thought to herself.  And then she realized—of course, it was the lower gravity of the moon, that was why she could jump so high.  “I’ll just keep that secret to myself,” thought Marie, smiling and waving at the crowd.  But who cared, she was unbeatable.  A group of fans rushed out and hoisted her on their shoulders.  She couldn’t believe it.  Here she was, just some seventeen year old girl, slam dunking over the heads of Yao Ming and Hakeem Olajuwon on a basketball court on the moon.  She felt so alive.

Yao Ming picked up Marie and carried her on his shoulders.  He pointed up at the stars.  “Do you know how the moon was made,” he asked. 

“No,” said Marie.

“4.5 billions years ago, 40 millions years after our solar system formed, a giant meteor the size of Mars struck Earth.  When it did, it shattered into a million tiny pieces which sprayed out into space.  These tiny rocks got caught in Earth’s orbit, slowly swirling around it.  Sometimes the rocks would hit each other, and sometime when they hit, they stuck together.  Over tens of millions of years, the orbit gradually pulled all these rocks together into one large, solid, round mass.  And this is what we call the moon.”

Marie stared at the sky full of stars and started to cry. 

“Marie, why are you crying?” asked Yao Ming.

“Because I’m so small,” she said.  “I’m so little.” 

“But you are very good at basketball,” said Yao Ming.  Gently he lifted her off his shoulders and set her on the ground.  He bent down and petted her head.

“I’m so little, it’s almost like I don’t exist at all.  Everything seems so impossible,” she said.

“Don’t ever underestimate the heart of a champion,” said Yao Ming.  “They sent a man to the moon.”

Marie blinked and slowly shook her head.  “I’m on the moon,” she said.  She looked up at the stars.  “Where’s Earth?  I don’t see Earth.”

“There is no Earth,” said Yao Ming.  “This is space, not earth.”

She looked around her.  “Where’d all the people go?” she asked.  It scared her because she realized that she was standing in an unreal world, a world inside her mind.  And suddenly, as if tripping an invisible wire, her eyes opened, and she woke up.
_
Chris Dankland
http://dankland.tumblr.com/post/50762089609/maries-dream

1. In 2012 you were pretty heavily into the travelling/touring lifestyle. Where are you right now and how many different places have you already visited in 2013? Are you ‘settling down’ for a while, relative to your busy 2012 touring schedule?

A: i recently got a studio apatment in chicago for a ~5 month lease. not settling down overall, just tryin to have more of a home in between the tours. it’s hard not having a home, not having IRL friends who stay the same over time, u know.. ive been visiting a similar number of cities as last year, i’m just popping in and out quicker, then goin back home to live inbetween tour’s. all the tour dates get updated on http://livemylief.com/tour

2. I read a lot of talk online about what happened with the ‘most positive night in the world’ event that was apparently meant to feature lil b, queen latifa, and riff raff. The failure of those people to ‘turn up’ or even be involved at all seemed to upset a few people. Is there anything you would like to say about your involvement in that and how you feel about it now, almost a month later?

A: i think it was a playful and awesome idea that kind of flopped. its a shame that people’s disapointment about the ‘celebs’ took the focus off snck pck’s amazing set, for example, or hunter payne’s pictionary. the people who got upset about the donation issue was the craziest thing, tho. nobody on that comment thread saying “i wanna know where the donations went,” none of those people donated. only 3 people donated, for a total of $66.66, and $50 of that came from John Demmitt, who loved the show and texted me saying so. there is so much stigma attached to artists making money, its riduclous.. i have a lot of strong feelings about this, but im struggling to get it in words.. im going to be involved in the launch of a startup soon that i hope wil help change the culture around how artists are financially supported, i think its something that needs to change if more people are gona find a way to do what they love full-time

3. The [Alt lit] community has grown a lot in the last year in that there seem to be more and more people involved in it. Do you think that, as one of the more widely known writers/poets associated with the term, you have maybe transcended the audience you had in mid 2012 and now are reaching a different group of people?

A: i am defintely reaching more people outside of the imediate community, and i’d even say that i’ve come to feel mostly out of touch with the immediate community that existed in 2012. its been a weird thing to adjust to. some of that i regret, and i’m trying to establish a close inner community again by doing livestreams more. but i’m finding that its a diferent community forming now than last year. because the newer people are less aware of the “alt lit” comunity as a whole, i think it’s helping to keep the focus on the positive/spiritual message in my work, and i really like that. i want to boost people and help them feel alive.. i dont want ppl to get too involved asking like, “what is alt lit? am i alt lit? can i write about this for a magazine?” thats all just noise.. life is hard for people, i want to make people feel better. thats the point for me. comunity can be part of that, but idk, it has to be the right comunity

4. How do you think you have changed in the last year where the internet poetry/alt lit community and your relationship with/feelings toward that are concerned?

A: last summer i felt excited to like “play with” the idea of alt lit, like embrace it playfuly, just because i know people have loaded opinions about it. i get amused with that, i get amused by being the target of hyperbolic criticism haha, and staying strong and confident in that position.. thats one thing i like about Lil B, u know. thousands of people shouting that hes a dumbass, but he just keeps swaggin out, thats very inspiring. but idk, the drug culture associated with the alt lit community has especially turned me away from the term. the new years eve show in nyc, “IRL FEST,” was like.. lots of drugs and alcohol, it wasnt an environment that i want to be using my energy to promote, mainly because of how young my audience is.. im concerned with being a positive role model, i want to bring young people into community and culture that will boost them and have a positive impact on their life. im asociating less with “alt lit” branded things lately, more jus building around my own work, and other artists who are overtly positive, or vegan / drug-free / other things i suport to the core

5. I loved and still do love crunk juice. Do you have any plans to release another poetry book in print? alternately, do you have any other written projects in the works?

A: thank u lee  my next book is comeing out june 25th!! its called, “if u dont love the moon, your an ass hole.” i think its gona be similar page count as crunk juice, but more words per page, yet smaller physical dimensions.. i want to rly give people value, i want it to only cost $10 but have more text than crunk juice (which was $15). also, im tryin to get the spirtual message up front a little more, to get people into a mindset of apreciating life and doing what make’s them feel alive.. more interwoven humor/positivity like in my videos. also there will be a lot of stuf from my traveling in 2012, in a sense this book will be a “culmination” of that adventure!

6. What have been your 3 favourite things of 2013, up to this point?

A: i like The Mall, the lit mag edited by angela shier and amelia gillis.. i recomend starting with dylan york’s pieces in issue 1, my fave, then explor the rest:http://themallmagissue1.tumblr.com/DylanYork

here’s a poem i liked a lot by keegan crawford:http://plus.livemylief.com/post/42487741950

and the band The Ghost Inside  their stuf really boosts me.. here is one of my faverite songs i posted:http://plus.livemylief.com/post/43737609560

thank’s so much lee for inteviewing me  a song from the space jam soundtrack just came on, in the store i am in..
_
Steve Roggenbuck
http://frxtl.com/2013/05/09/interview-with-steve-roggenbuck/